A TALE IN THE DARK

 

The dark sky with dim star light
Know the stories untold
For every night when i lay under them
my deepest scars shine bright….

 

The words that i fail to spit
The tears that held on so tight.
They roll down and flow a mile
Hidden from the world, only known to the quitest night.

 

They know me at my best
They know when i am not fine
Yet they don’t judge me at my worst
Like the world out there does it every time.
No i am not struck by loneliness
I have got a bunch of a billion friends
Who just don’t care of who am i
Whether i am a truth or a beautiful lie
I wish people were like stars
And they would adore us as who we are
And every day i wait for the night
Where my veins flow all that i hide

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“DEDH ELAICHI”

 

 

tumblr_nu0otjkC1O1ru6vcko1_500Soon after Aayi passed baba was my sole caretaker. He would cook, braid my hair, teach me music and  did all the chores work. Everyday I delibrately waited for the clock to hit 6 so that baba would close the clinic shutters and take me to Sharma’s Chai Stall, where he had a kullhad of chai everday and i simply enjoyed the perks of being the only child as sharma ji gave me his home made biscuits which were offered to none except me, trust me they were exceptionally delicious.But one thing that I  could never learn and understand was the “perfect chai obsession ” baba had. Though Sharmaji’s Chai Stall was the most popular spot in lucknow but baba never appreciated it…he just went there on a daily basis to breathe some fresh air and let me relax and eat the buiscuits offcourse. years passed with the same routine. I reached in 12th grade and then came my boards, I had less time to study and a lot lesser to go to slSharmaji’s place with baba, and yes by now even I was addicted to chai, chai in our house was not a beverage anymore,  it was an emotion, it was the lame laughters we shared while mixing sugar in the brown liquid of warmth, it was baba missing aayi in every sip he took..though he concealed that pretty well.

 

One cold december morning he came to me, woke me up and said, “come on Chutki I’ll teach you how to make the perfect chaai today”. I burst into laughter and said ” haha baba do you even know how to? all these years it has been sharmaji and his kullhad keeping us warm and happy, I’ve never seen u make chai before, give me the scooty keys i’ll bring some from him” I said. No! that you don’t call a chai, its just an overrated syrup of sugar and tea leaves, come i’ll show you what you call a “CHAI”. I saw him boil water and arrange all the items to put in. I’ve never seen him do anything with so much dedication not even his music lessons, but the zeal to prepare it and teach the same could be seen in his eyes. “Put those elaichi in it Chutki” he said while picking up the cups from the shelf and as I was about to put it in the vessel he held my hand and said “Not 2, neither 1, put dedh elaichi in it, or wait you leave i’ll do it”. I passed a smile. “Now whatt”?? he exclaimed. Nothing, just you and your chai obsession I replied. Here it is, ready! drink this and tell me how’d you like it, he said impatiently. Baba’s eyes were fillled with excitement, he made it after so many years but as soon as I was about to sip it he said “Wait first  smell it, let the aroma fill you, taste it with your eyes first, and then let the mouth do the rest.” I did the same he asked me to, then I took the first sip, it was magic, it felt like something i have never tasted before, it was as if I could feel aayi’s presence there, Sharmaji’s tea now became a mere hot drink to soothe the throat because this was just…it was… perfect!!! and I was astonished, Baba you are a wonder man,How did you make this cup of complete amazement? why you never made one all these years?. He stood there and smiled sipping it and gazing at aayi’s picture placed on the drawing room wall. “I never felt like”…he replied. what do you mean I questioned? ” I used to make this special chai on your aayi’s birthdays and our aniversaries and soon when we knew that her disease has consumed all of her and that being a doctor I could not save her, I fell apart and I could not gather my senses but your aayi, Chutki, Huh!… that lady…brave lady…hugged me very tight and whispered in my ear “Make your special tea…and see the wonders it’ll do to my body.” I made her the best possible version of the perfect chai I mastered and I saw the smiled that covered her face, it was contagious! it lit me up that night and then in a flash of days your aayi was gone leaving beside you, me and this favourite drink of hers which became tasteless. I hugged baba and I cried he did too, for the first time in 18 years I saw him wet his cheeks, no wonder aayi called it the “special chai”, it brought an ocean of emotions and happy moments, it healed. That night brought baba and me much closer.

 

It has been 10 years now since that day passed. I own a chain of bakerys where I have ” baba’s cup of magic” in the specials list. Today he visited me and I asked him to come along to one of my bakerys where I showed him his special tea. “Baba wait i’ll make a cup of chai, its been years since we had it, I insisted.He stopped me and said “put”….but I immediately cut his sentence midway and said ” umm…dedh elaichi??…No more, No less.

GONE

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” No  Shrey am telling you she is a bitch!!” he exclaimed. “Is that what u really think she is??”, I questioned. “What do you mean think?? She is Shrey…u just don’t get her!” Dude i can’t believe you are saying this…you guys have been such good friends since the 2nd grade and in all the happy or sad moments the only person she ever approches to has always been you..and now you  calling her all this crap it not legit buddy. But then you tell me Shrey why the hell she did that?? If she considered our friendship this important. “No Shrey you are innocent you don’t see the person she is behind that mask!” “I am not karan, rather I would say you are blind! and your so called crush Deeksha, I would call her a moron”. “Mind that toungue of yours Shrey…only Mitali has the rights to bitch about my crushes not you”.. “Calm down your horses baby…she was!!now she is no more your friend you’ve done enough shit to be called her best friend anymore”, frankly speaking you really don’t deserve to be forgiven. “Well let me tell you that I am not sorry either! It was her fault not mine. She wrecked our friendship, she ruined my date, I am happy we aren’t friends anymore.” Fine, “karan there is no point disscussing this as it is she’s gone,Take care bye”. Saying this i left his house and came back to the my place.
I  called Mitali who  used to pick up my calls once  in a blue moon and i often used to taunt her that “you would never pick my call even if i was dying and my last wish was to talk to you!” and all she did was giggle a bit and say “I love u too jaanzz” and I melted because she was my cutest friend or more likely my sister because l had none of my own. Her phone kept ringing she didn’t pick up my call. I called her landline number aunty received the call. I asked her if I could please talk to Mitali?? it would be great! but cutting me down mid-sentence she replied “beta she already left for college 2 days back” I said “but she had to leave next week”…”Mitali said that she had to complete some assignments and submit the files before the college reopens so she left.” Hearing this I cut the call. I knew there were no assignments or files, i know her she would run everytime…she doesn’t know how to deal with  problems.
I was pretty tired so I slept…suddenly at 2:00 am my phone rang, i was to blind too see anything without my spects onn…which were kept on the other end of the side table but I could read a blurred out name “k..kk…ka..karan” it was him…”oh god not again!” I picked up his call. “Hey Shrey are u sleeping?”  “No scuba- diving, wanna join in?” I answered a little irritated. He said “am sorry about today I didn’t mean to say all that crap. Can we meet tomorrow?  I really want to talk this out”. “Fine I’ll be there, 5:00pm at the coffee house, don’t be late”..”okkay bro bye” and he hung up the phone. Next day we met at the coffee house. “What’s the problem with her Shrey? Why can’t things be just the way they were? Why have we ruined our bond? Why did she act like an asshole that day? You know Shrey how much importance she held in my life. It was her with whom I shared everything teeny-tiny thing. Everytime we had a fight i appologized, she never turned up on her own. I couldn’t have been the culprit always and you must have noticed from past few months she speaks so little,”She was a chatter box.” But its been quite a time since she hardly speaks to me. She is not answering any of my phone calls.I miss her Shrey, I miss her so much. She was there with me in all my thick and thins. “But you weren’t I answered”. “What?? He questioned”. “U weren’t there with her karan you never understood her. It was not her who acted like an asshole that day it was you karan. You don’t realize it but you’ll do someday”.
“How was that my fault Shrey? I had plans with Deeksha that day, why was she so adament on going out with me that day?we could have gone the next day. Why did she have to spoil my date with Deeksha?” “Dude she had made a plan going out with you probably a week before ur dumb Deeksha did”. And don’t you know the rule? “What rule?? He aksed”….the rule that “you don’t ditch plans with your friends for any other person…your dates will come and go but your friends stay forever” I replied. But wait there is something else you probably should know,she was adament because she didn’t want you  to go out with Deeksha, she loved you and she wanted to tell you about it. “Are u nutts!!” said karan…. she was my closest friend…”yeah I know”, i answered and thats what made her believe that you will choose her over Deeksha but you dumped your friend. You fought with her for a stupid ass girl who dosen’t even know you the way she did. “Believe me karan she is mean and she i just using you to please herself. Mitali isn’t but she is a bitch!!” “I really don’t get this”. “What Shrey? He asked”. How can you be so judgemental about a person who has done for you so much all this while? How can you decide they did everything on purpose? How easily did you forget everything and hate a person for not doing the somethings the way you desire??
“I am sorry Shrey. I guess I got her wrong all this time. Tell her to pick my call, Tell her am sorry!! Ask her to come back to me”. “She won’t karan, this time she won’t, her hurt is a way more deep than you think”.*SOMETHINGS ARE BROKEN BEYOND REPAIR*. She’s gone. But I do have a note, she left it to  me a couple of days back and asked me not to open and give it to you. I gave him the note, it read ” You and Deeksha look great together! Happy to know that my buddy  has the one he wanted, but sadly I lost take care:’-)

Love
MITALI

(Writer’s note-  Hey guys hope u liked this story, but there is a reason i uploaded it, i have put it here because we really need to accept things and aprreciate them rather than always cribbing and pointiong out the mistakes. This post is inspired by the ind vs. pak champions trophy  finals today…and i feel really sad to hear all the critisiszm about sir Jadeja! It happens guys it was just match, think of all the proud moments he has brought to India, he probably is the best fielder, if we never appreciated that then who are we to blame him for the run out!! Sad to read all the abusive comments on his instrgram profile. Keep the spoartmanship alive and love team India we made it to the finals! Thanq 🙂 I hope i conveyed what i wanted to.)

A WALK TO REMEMBER

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Years after school ended i still remember that evening. It was the best and the worst day of my life. I was walking with my best friend casual with the fact that this might be the last time we see each other as the two most weird people who would not be able to live without a single moment mocking each other. I had so much to tell him that i could have written a novel or something but then i remained silent cherishing the calm silent walk with jellybars in our hands. Will u miss me? He questioned…”I wanted to hugg him and say i can’t imagine staying apart from u but giggling i answered no you dumbass i’ll be busy flattering hott boys in college with my guitar and singing skills and being the most popular girl of the college campus”. He said, “build a face first u chipmunk” and snatched my jellybar and moved slightly away..i knew he didn’t like that. We kept walking,smiling and laughing on the crazy things we did in school and how we used to be so consumed among ourselves complaining about how every girl he liked was already committed and me crying over pitty things and then preparing a short slide presentation in our heads for the most sane fights ever. We had the worst fights where i acted mostly as the most heartless being you will ever meet and he like a good boy always ready to apologize or should i call it in his language he had copyrighted the word “sorry”. If he acted as a jerk he used to say sorry if i acted the same then too he said sorry….and things worked out this way….

Its been 3 years now since we talked. I now everything happening in his life and all his whereabouts,thanks to some good friends i made back then but somewhere i wish even he knew how i was doing or how much i miss him or atleast did i build a face or not. That day when we were about to go back,the air around had no taste, the momos corner was loosing its charm and the sun was slowly fading. In the most obvious best friend syled tone he said, ” A moti mjhe bhool mat jana” and I using even more clichéd words answered “Tum badi kutti cheez ho tmhe kaise bhool jaaungi” and we passed that satisfying look..but honestly i was not at all satisfied i wanted to tell him that i love him but i didn’t speak because i have been a pure bitch ever since i was a kiddo. I always had this habbit of letting people make the first move no matter how happy i would make a person doing it in first place. No i still don’t do it. I didn’t say because i didn’t want him to feel any special or have ayers about it because i thought that this would ceratinly made me less worthy or cut down my being “super cool to everything” image itno peices or then he would no longer be sorry anymore. He had and used much brains than i ever could assemble at one go but he liked hearing things from me, so he pretended to be the most innocent person,oblivious to everything happening around…yea he was a bitch too!! But more than i loved him i hated him for not understanding me when I always did. Time ticked as fast as it could, never enough for the two best friends to be satisfied…He wanted me to say, what he wanted to hear….something He knew i would never say…He said, making out from my dumb facial expression “I know…speak it fast m already late mom wouldn’t own me if i stay here any longer”. I spoke “haan to jaa na ” bye shitface!! He said sure?? I said yeah bye..he took the keys out of his pocket and started his scooty…and looked  at me straight in the eye so bye is it?? I said, “yes bye” and gently whispered “Mine” and I will miss u…he was slightly shocked because i’ve never said this in 6 years but still at that moment somewhere we both knew i ruined it! “Bye” he said. I still remember that walk…probably the best walk..with the only best friend “I have”…oh no wait the best walk with the only best friend “I had”. :’)

The world of fantasy

             THE WORLD OF FANTASY

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There was a world of fantasy…
Beautiful and appealing,
She thought she was wise enough..
But she got caught up with her feelings.

Oh this place is magic!!
She thought she’d made a choice so right,
Its nothing like the real world,
Mean, scary and quiet.

She chose to live there forever….
But forever is a long time,
She didn’t bother to step back,
She thought “this place is mine”.

Oh the place is a wonderland!!
It enchanted her each day…
She could live out all her desires,
Speak everything she could never say.

She found her love and best friend…
The ones she never wanted to loose,
But the real world always told her..
Only one of them she can choose.

But this world wasn’t black or white,
It was a shade of grey…
Everything here was deceiving,
Some day it would all fade away.

Her mind urged to go back,
But the poor heart forced to stay…
How could she leave a place so lovely,
Where everything worked out her way.

The fantasies all mocked her,
But she heared no voice…
Irony sat and smirked,
That she had made a wrong choice.

And then the world started destroying her,
Now her realisation went in vain,
Because all these hopes and expectations,
Caused her much pain.

And then things got cleared…
That was no wonderland or a magical place,
It was just a hungry world…
Who stole the smile off her face!

The lost love

           THE LOST LOVE

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Nothing was similar to what i saw in movies..it was as if I had entered a parallel universe. People were so consumed among themselves I had no friend or anyone whom I knew. There I stood all alone in delhi. It seemed the coldest winter night and i was walking by the road with earphones in my ear and listening to some old romantic song. There were couples all around roaming hand in hand and college girls giggling on some joke and eating jalebees and some boys smoking in the corner with their squad. I was the only person who had no clue what to do…so I sat on the pavement figuring out that it might be nice feeling when someone loves u for no reason…when they want to be with u…finding excuses to talk to u or just doing random shit and going crazy wih u…or to be more specific why I didn’t had anyone to love me. After a while I picked up all my thoughts and everything that was hovering inside my mind and jogged back to my hostel. One day out of nowhere i had a sudden craving for eating the famous jalebees on the road side which those girls had almost everyday. He gave it to me in a small paper cup 4 jalebees. I sat on the pavement and ate one….no wonder why those girls came there everyday, it was delicious…5 minutes later I noticed a soft touch, he sat there his eyes sharply placed on the jalebees wanting to eat them but facial expressions preventing him to demand for it. I offerd him the jalebi, he was so elated and gobbled them all…for the first time in three months I smiled. The next day when i went walking I saw him…he accompanied me while walking. Even he had no friends and both of us found in each other the best companion. So everyday after the roll call I,went for a walk and he like a nice gentleman stood by the pavement waiting for me. we walked and at times used to race,had jalebees and then went back. I realized that night that I had started smiling pretty often and that I had fell in love with him.I too was his favourite because I’ve hardly seen anyone with him maybe because he couldn’t speak. But to me it never mattered because he would easily express his love by his actions or I must mention he was the most expressive being I had ever met. I loved him immensly for he was unapologetically himself, beyond labels and personality classifications. He held the most important place in my life cause our love was not frevolous or nothing like the stereotype love stories that fantisize people…it was simple and sweet confined to us and the jalebees offcourse. One day I went a little late and he didn’t turned up. It made me worry a little as this never happened in the past 2 years. The next day i went in the evening itself beacuse I was so restless to meet him…because he was the only one i used to share my talks with. I waited for him till 11 in the night but he never came. I didn’t know why but I had an unusual feeling deep within…I asked about him to the jalebi vala as i had no trace of any person who knew him. He told me he was hit by a car a day before. I stood there all silent with tears rolling down my face…and the pain gushing through my bones because I hated his habbit of running like a leopard and jumping over me and licking my face everyday when we met and that day I realized the love I recieved from those soft paws, wet nose and a tiny wagging tale, no human can ever love me the same. That day I lost my love, I lost my my jalebi mate. :’-)

The perfect snap

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Yesterday i went through my gallery and found some of our best snaps and i realized how happy i am with them…we usually never have something to talk over..we just sit in the recess smiling and mocking each other and laughing like retards! I guess probably they are the happiest hours everday. But then this everyday would eventually turn to ‘those days’ few years from now and that is sad….really sad coz the fun we have now,all the laughters, anger, teases would merely become memories and that’s the strange thing about memories, it makes us feel both nostalgic and happy at that very moment. All three of us hate to admit that this friendship will ever change but deep within we already know that someday it would. Two years from now we’d be in a differet world, a new beginning, different colleges, different cities and all that would remain will be these snaps of the best moments we’ve ever had…just a call away yet miles apart…and this bond will gradually fade. We would talk to each other but the talks we share now won’t be the same then. We’ll have so much to speak but the situation won’t fit in….or probably this disease “maturity” would surmound us…i wonder why the best things in life ends so fast? Why our best people have to leave us? Why these goodbyes are never said but they just happen…and years from now we’ll grow old…be settled in different places working out with our lives.. this bond would just breathe on a phone call.. You know the thing about time??… it changes everything. It ruined my happy world…those happy hours were now no longer a part of my life. we got seperated..lost contact. They might be missing me too i used to wonder at times. Years passed by and one winter evening i was swipping the photographs in my gallery, all over again I found this snap fondly preserved since high school…and my daughter sitting next to me asked what’s that mom? ….with a heavy heart and reminscent smile i spoke the perfect snap… Who are they maa?..and a tear dropped on the screen when i whispered lifelines!:’)

Illusions

Sometimes my thoughts turn  to me, That they are strong and i am weak. And I a fool believe it all, My strength withers,I watch me fall. I blame the world being cruel and fake, Its my illusion, my …

Source: Illusions

Illusions

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Sometimes my thoughts turn  to me,
That they are strong and i am weak.
And I a fool believe it all,
My strength withers,I watch me fall.

I blame the world being cruel and fake,
Its my illusion, my mistake.
Its not the people i need to beat,
Just some of the fears i need to treat.

The thought of people leaving,
Goes deep through my bone,
The pain gushing inside titled me being alone.

And I a dumb retard compromised every inch of me,
Cutting down my happiness,always ready to plead.

I begged people to stay,
When all I needed was just me.
My best companion,my best lover,
Than anyone could ever be.

Now I’ve stitched a perfect conclusion,
All that i require resides in me.
What gave those believes a powerful sound,
Was my worst mistake,my biggest illusion.